The Conservative's Trans Daughter

I was born in 1979 to a pack-a-day smoker married to a Catholic, Conservative, local politician. I was born at home because my mom’s ob/gyn told her it was likely false labor and she should pour herself about 4oz of red wine and make my dad do the rest of the cleaning for the event they intended to host that night. (Or this is what I was told). I was delivered, grey and unbreathing by the Saint Paul Fire Dept. I started to cry then promptly stopped breathing again. I was resuscitated again and started screaming with my trademark obstreperous nature. No breathing has kinda been a trend in my life, but more later on that.

My life began as many affluent, white, privileged boy’s lives did. There was a slight issue though… by the time I was 7 years old, I knew I was completely different from other boys. Some traditionally boy hobbies I enjoyed, most I feigned enjoyment.

I began to see problems with the system.

At 7 years old, my mother caught me trying on her clothes. She explained that, while it was fairly normal for children to explore gender, it was not something good Catholic children did. She didn’t tell Dad, or the rest of the family. A year or so later, when she caught me sexually experimenting with a neighbor boy, she explained that, while it was fairly common for children to explore their sexuality, it was not something that good Catholic children did. She didn’t tell Dad or the rest of the family. A few years later (having realized I didn’t stop exploring either), she mentioned that had I been “born a girl” I would have been named Stephanie, Jennifer, or Stephanie Jennifer (*shudders in late Gen X).

Mom knew who I was before I did.

I, however, was the sixth child of a local politician. A local politician who had built his career on on Conservative, Midwest, Catholic morality. A nationally known speaker about the Catholic practice of tithing. The primary sponsor of nearly every anti-choice legislation in the 80’s and 90’s in Minnesota. Having a member of the LGBTQIA+ community would have “complicated” his career. Thus, Mom never told anyone. Mom was the shield I didn’t realized existed until I was in my 30s. I literally owe my life to her (on many levels). She was the greatest example of humanity, respect, and love that I have ever known. She was a quiet ally, She was the peacemaker in a family of firebrands. She was my experience of unconditional love. The woman deserves canonization.

Looking back, Mom made sure my life was full of assertive,, intelligent, loving women as role models. She was subtle in her subversion of the patriarchy, but subvert it she did. I think she considered me her “baby girl” even if she had to omit the word “girl”.

If I end up half the woman that she was, I will have been a success beyond my wildest dreams.